Wanted: Accountability Alchemist

alchemy |ˈalkəmē|

• figurative a process by which paradoxical results are achieved or incompatible elements combined with no obvious rational.

Apparently alchemy is alive and well. Individuals world-wide have managed to make something out of a toxic mixture of derivatives, hedge funds, and unregulated financial instruments created from pure imagination (Read: Boomerang by Michael Lewis). Combine this with  a wholesale lack of personal accountability for the havoc all of this reaps and voila – you have Occupy Wall Street going viral.

I would like to propose a process by which paradoxical results are achieved or incompatible elements are combined with no obvious rational to address the “economic problem” that has been created by crooks, thieves, and stupid people.

1. Eliminate the “corporate cloak.” You may no longer have a corporate entity that is not tied to a person and their personal accountability for results. Sarbanes-Oxley was supposed to get us closer to this – FAIL. The only way individuals will think twice about the “grab and go” is to tie failure to their personal bank account.
2. Eliminate “sources say” or “those close to the situation report…” This is utter nonsense. Name names or knock it off. The news media continues to be manipulation central and the reporters are too afraid or dumb to get the straight truth. (Keep in mind I used to be in the journalism business and I will admit to both fear and stupidity. The upside is, I know it when I see it.)
3. Require every economist that uttered the words “We didn’t see it coming,” or “The market works in a long-term cycle,” to teach fifth and sixth grade math until every student can pass the How to Create a Toxic Derivative, Long-Term Debt Bundle, Rating Upgrade on Junk Stocks class – or in shorter terms Financial Alchemy. Just as casino cheats know the ins and outs of what they create, economists know too, and if they don’t they need to learn. Thus, “those who can do, and those who can’t, teach.”  This means you Ben Bernanke and Alan Greenspan, etc. Where did you get your education again? Those institutions need to take the degrees they awarded you back.
4. Require that four teenagers (of voting age) be in every high-level economic meeting that has the potential to further pillage their future. No one leaves until their questions are answered regarding the decisions being made. Come to think of it, why aren’t there four teenagers on that debt reduction committee Congress put in place? If they don’t understand the answers to their questions and the implications of the decisions being made it isn’t because they are not intelligent. It is a frightening prospect to answer to our future. Let’s stop taking the chicken way out by just leaving them with the mess.
5. Everybody write to the Board Relations person of the publicly traded company’s where you own stock. Ask for the CEO / Executive compensation package details. If that looks o.k. to you, then you make your decision to stay in or get out. Silly me, I think a “free market” means you get paid for performance not a generously paid ride to get the heck out of the company with a boatload of stock to boot if you fail.
6. In simple terms please. Many foreclosures have been stopped in their tracks with these four words – “show me the note.” Seems the bundled, toxic derivatives, blah, blah, blah’s, lost track of a lot of the sold and re-sold to the reseller’s seller mortgage document. If you feel like you are getting a run around or very complex explanation or answer to your question, it’s not you. Keeping asking until you can say it back, get it in writing, and document.  It is what accountability alchemists do. It is sort of in reverse of “combining incompatible elements” it is un-combining them.

 

I have been told that students today are being taught concepts that will be obsolete by the time they enter the workplace. That means all kinds of new jobs will have been created. This one is going to be available for sure so watch the Classifieds -Wanted: Accountability Alchemist.

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